Acknowledging Our Pain Rescuing the Rescuer

Some people are called to help others, often as early as their childhood, responding to the needs of family members, strangers, or animals with a selflessness that is impressive. Often, these people appear to have very few needs of their own, and the focus of their lives is on rescuing, helping and healing others. While there are a few people who are truly able to sustain this completely giving lifestyle, the vast majority have needs that lie deep beneath the surface, often unmet and often unseen. In these cases, their motivation to help others may be an extension of a deep desire to heal emotional wounds within themselves that are starving for the same kind of love and attention they dole out to those around them on a daily basis.

For any number of reasons, these people are unable to give themselves the love they need and so they give it to others. This does not mean that they are not meant to be helping others, but it does mean that they would do well to turn some of that helping energy within.

One problem with the rescuer model is that the individual can get stuck in that role, always living in crisis mode at the expense of inner peace and personal growth. Until the person resolves their own inner demons, they play them out in their relationships with others, drawn to those who need them and often become unable to acknowledge their own needs or get them met. In the worst case scenario, they enable the persons dilemma by not knowing when to stop playing the rescuer and allow the person to figure it out on their own. However, if the rescuer finds the strength to turn within and face the needy aspect of their own psyche, he or she can become a model of empowerment and a true source of healing in the world.

Signs you or someone you love may need understand about the rescue the rescuer dynamics is the energy you are exerting and the inner burnout from over giving; underlying resentment; an inability to admit to having needs of one’s own; and an unwillingness to be vulnerable. Help only comes when we allow ourselves to admit we need it, acknowledging our humanity and our wholeness by acknowledging our pain. The understanding we gain in the process will naturally inform and inspire our ability to help those in need to do the same. What do you think?