Welcome Back Rodney

It has been awhile since I made a entry to my blog. My reason for that is, I needed to be "Present" in my life to navigate myself through a very difficult break- up. "HE" has been the opportunity "God" has put in my life put in my life to inspire me to change. What has been revealed to me from my clarity is that, it is neither Good or Bad that our relationship has ended it just "Is". My ex and I have very different views on what has gotten us to this point. I am clear that by simply telling myself the absolute truth as I understand it, coupled with the tangible evidence that supports that truth it's conclusive that I ended this relationship because "It was over". My ex and I had so many good things that I had convinced myself "could" and "would" keep us together. Then when I began to focus less on the illusion of my relationship and more on the palpable periods of unhappiness, I woke up one morning with the courage to face the fact that the things that once worked; no longer does. More and more my relationship became burden filled, showered with resentments, that left puddles of anger, uncontollable contempt, and a spiraling doom that weighed heavy on my spirit. I was locked into a destructive holding pattern, that was damaging to my self-worth and speeding towards being dangerous to my ex lovers well being as well. But still leaving isn't easy.

You see "I love him", I just love me more. The fear of leaving became less paralyzing and more freeing as I began to tell the truth. There are definately things that I am not proud of and could of balanced better around this break up. It was difficult for me to detach with love, I had to pull out the "Ax and pry myself loose" in order to get on this path. Still today setting boundaries that help me to be safe and sane are challenging , however my spirit is healing inspite of what my ex-lover thinks about me. I am not a "Victom". I posses the ability to accept responsibility, and I will get a chance to make Direct or In-direct ammends for my actions. Right now my choice of weapon to use on myself is no longer a base ball bat, but a feather , a gentle hug and a kindred spirits.
As I welcome Rodney back "I choose" not to focus on my ex-partner's Defects and Shortcomings but only on the one thing I HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE........ME.
I have had many failed relationships in my life, each one has lifted me closer to the nurturing attributes I have as well as the harmful patterns that are responsible for the spontanious sex-filled encounters that I turn into a loving relationships. This relationship has highlighted my ability to Love Unconditionally. Self Centerdness did not rule my 4 years of discovery with my Ex. Caring , sharing and supporting my man was priority. It still is Ironically, it's just not at the expense of my own happiness.

I thank "God" for placing my Ex-lover in my path. He has helped me see that; at some point in life you have to take responsibility for your world and change your perception as you align your "ideal" reality with the true events that occur when you"live life on lifes terms".

Now that your back Rodney. What do you do to make this relationship live up to the call on your life to change?
First and foremost Rodney you must take the time to learn how to love you! Take time to get to know you. Stop confusing Instant gratification of "sex" as love and Initmacy. Get to know yourself and some love interest without playing catch up after you have had sex.
Concentrate on your relationship with you and God and the people who love you, hold you and assist in putting you back together. Rodney stop acting out of Desperation and the need to be Validated and emerge from this relationship victorious and free at last.

It is his anger, that stops his imagination.

Everyone knows someone who's anger and general outlook on life is so traumatized that it shuts down there creativity and halts there energy to move on. What do you say to someone that is so angry that denial becomes their survival? How do you help them see that their anger is stunting their growth, eating at thier core causing health issues and pain that becomes a disheveled foundation that drains at their life force.

If your anything like me, having your pulse on the serenity of life you try to do something, say something, anything that allows their frustrations a platform, their truths a voice and their spirit a chance to heal. Until you become a back up singer destined to have your own band, to tour your anger, and frustrations for the people to see, hear and feel. And the cycle begins .... but who wins, who benefits from your downward spiral.

I believe you can win, I believe that misguided anger and cleverly masked depression is a demonic spirit. The only way to fight a spirit filled car that's swerving hopelessly out of control is to wait until it stops for gas and fuel it with the spirit of the ancestors, the spirit of forgiveness and the spirit of hope. You win because this is your opportunity to canvas your imagination so everyone can see it. "Dare to Change" , Dare to not know the answers so you can be open to asking for help. And if you can't imagine doing it for you, think of your back up singers that can't handle the fame of failure.

Acknowledging Our Pain Rescuing the Rescuer

Some people are called to help others, often as early as their childhood, responding to the needs of family members, strangers, or animals with a selflessness that is impressive. Often, these people appear to have very few needs of their own, and the focus of their lives is on rescuing, helping and healing others. While there are a few people who are truly able to sustain this completely giving lifestyle, the vast majority have needs that lie deep beneath the surface, often unmet and often unseen. In these cases, their motivation to help others may be an extension of a deep desire to heal emotional wounds within themselves that are starving for the same kind of love and attention they dole out to those around them on a daily basis.

For any number of reasons, these people are unable to give themselves the love they need and so they give it to others. This does not mean that they are not meant to be helping others, but it does mean that they would do well to turn some of that helping energy within.

One problem with the rescuer model is that the individual can get stuck in that role, always living in crisis mode at the expense of inner peace and personal growth. Until the person resolves their own inner demons, they play them out in their relationships with others, drawn to those who need them and often become unable to acknowledge their own needs or get them met. In the worst case scenario, they enable the persons dilemma by not knowing when to stop playing the rescuer and allow the person to figure it out on their own. However, if the rescuer finds the strength to turn within and face the needy aspect of their own psyche, he or she can become a model of empowerment and a true source of healing in the world.

Signs you or someone you love may need understand about the rescue the rescuer dynamics is the energy you are exerting and the inner burnout from over giving; underlying resentment; an inability to admit to having needs of one’s own; and an unwillingness to be vulnerable. Help only comes when we allow ourselves to admit we need it, acknowledging our humanity and our wholeness by acknowledging our pain. The understanding we gain in the process will naturally inform and inspire our ability to help those in need to do the same. What do you think?

LEDISI

Ledisi……..the last of a dying breed.

Thank you Ledisi for making me believe in true artistry again, my good friend Carlos Sanchez closes his deep soulful house music sessions with your tribute to Ella (Blues in the night). I believe music is felt, not just heard, I close my eyes and connect to you, your lyrics not only speak to my soul, it educates me on the current events of life, love and love lost. Ledisi you feel your music and your band from the strong Intro of (Been Here) on your Lost & Found CD to the closing Outro of (Been Here) you not only invited me to the first row of your concert with this CD but you gave me uninterrupted (JOY) and as I continued to listen with a new ear, I say new ear because you raise the bar with your connection to your instrument, every artist I hear after you I wait to hear if they connect on any level to their music, words or fellow artist in their band, and that’s only the few that work with bands at all. The song (Best Friend) speaks to me most, it’s my national anthem. I am in Love with my best friend, still after years of taking it to the next level I still want him and desire him and you sing with the intensity of which I feel. It’s about (You & Me) throughout this CD.

I am committed to introduce every one I know to you, so that they could (Get to Know You) and be turned right side up from this (Up Side Down) music industry that packages talent with the old formula of Good Hair, Light skin, and a polished studio sound. You my dear are (Alright) with me, every once in a while as I listen to you, and I raise my hand in solidarity, I smile with identification and get confirmation that (We are One) as you sing with another familiar member of the dying breed of true talent Rashaan Patterson . Ledisi you made me feel like we grew up with each other in your song titled (Someday). I visualized your family being very proud of you, not only for being successful but most of all for staying true to your art, and honoring your ancestors. You have my Idea of a total package, bangin ass beats, vocals that make you want to take your shoe’s off and throw them and a vibe that accentuates your soulful voluptuousness. Your title track (Today and I tried) proves that you can sing circles around Diva’s from the past and present, effortlessly. You are (The One) hands down Ledisi, thank you for rescuing me from the (Lost and Found) of bubble gum artist with all their smoke and mirrors and giving me so much to look forward too…………………. (In The Morning).

For those who may not know the sounds of Ledisi or just want to see this amazing artist live click here (Ledisi Live at The Bridge) for her concert series with special guest Chaka Khan.